I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
