just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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