is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
