I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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