Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
