yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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