I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
