It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
