dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
