Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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