Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
