Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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