Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
