Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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