I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
