like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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