make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
