Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
