so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
