rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
