Just fell off a train. Bad.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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