I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
