if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
