I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
tell me about the eggs
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