i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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