Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
