i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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