I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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