Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
