you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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