I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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