I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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