Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
