I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
