I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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