The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
