Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
