So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
