so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
