Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
