I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
