Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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