i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
