Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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