Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
