Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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