i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
