the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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