I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
