Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
