I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
