fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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