At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
