his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
