She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize