And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
